What Does College Mean to Me? The Beginning
4:00 PM
It’s been nearly a month since the move and I don’t think I
have ever been happier. It takes time, for some it is longer than others, but
in my experience halfway through the third week something clicked and everything
started to make sense. Not that I don’t miss home and not like I have any clue
what I will be studying or what my career path will be or have any plan
whatsoever but it still makes sense.
I am here. I am meeting new people. I am exiting my comfort zone. I am trying
new things and learning more and more everyday both in academics and in life in
general. It just feels right. And it is changing me.
In conversations with family and friends from back home, I
feel like I am a completely different person – one who has actual “real life”
experience. (I took a bus today and if that doesn’t say adulthood I don’t know
what does.) I find myself speaking to my parents more as my equals, like
friends, openly telling them everything. I don’t know if that’s just me or if
it works that way with everyone but it is strange and wonderful. Maybe that’s
part of growing up. Maybe it is a result of leaving home. Maybe it’s because of
college specifically. I don’t really know how it happened but I’m glad it has.
. . .
When I think about summarizing college I think of a number of
things. I think of the days that turn into nights studying in the lounge. I
think of late night conversations and bonding. I think of those kids who ride a
Razor scooter (like the ones we all had in fifth grade) to get to class (I
admire them). I think of dining hall hacks (if you haven’t taken two cookies
and sandwiched in some soft serve ice cream or making your own root beer
floats, do it!). I think of walks that take longer than the class itself will
last (I suppose this is inevitable when you go to a big school that requires a
twenty minute walk to class). I think of the illusion of free things (I have
six more t-shirts than I came with - AWESOME).
I think of big lecture halls and small discussion groups. I think of not
knowing what year of schooling everyone is, first years ranging from 17 to 25
to 72. I think of walking around the residence hall in socks and getting ice
cream at 11 o’clock at night. I think of small spaces and good people. I think
of independence and freedom.
. . .
I don’t know what I did to deserve such an amazing
university, such an amazing group of people, such amazing friends. I am more
than grateful, words cannot describe it. Every day is unpredictable and ends up
wonderful. Today for example I woke up feeling worse than I think I have ever
felt. I was nauseous and dizzy and so weak and shaky that I could barely get
off my lofted bed. I couldn’t tell if I was going to throw up or pass out but I
knew I needed to act fast or it would’ve ended really bad. So I gathered up
that last half ounce of strength and energy and got myself some water and a
protein bar and pushed through. What happened next? I have had one of the best
days so far since moving. I received results from my first exam, learned how to
use public transport on my own, and talked to new people (which is a really big
deal for a shy, socially anxious, awkward kid adult like me). And that
was all before 10 a.m.! The lesson? Sometimes you just have to push through and it’ll all be okay.
. . .
So what does college mean to me as I begin? A lot.
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